Jannah Lies Under Her Feet Too?!


After a little teeny tiny mini rant on twitter, I realised it is probably easier and hopefully more beneficial to write something on here.

The issue I want to discuss is that of the importance of the Mother in Law (MIL). I myself am not married so I will be looking at this issue through the eyes of a single but confused girl who doesn't understand why there is such a bad stigma attached to the mother of your husband.

I have not only seen things on twitter and facebook but also have had a number of personal conversations with people about the dreaded mother in law. Many women will state things such as, ‘I want to marry an orphan!’ or ‘I hope my husband’s mother doesn't live with us’. The latter statement I can almost understand however it is not something I think needs to be made a huge issue of, especially if you’re from an Asian background (Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi) wherein it is tradition for many son’s to opt to live with their parents even after marriage. Moreover, in the current economic climate it is difficult to afford to own a property of your own straight away.

Although I can understand the want of many women to live separately from their ‘in-laws’ after marriage, what happens if your husband has no plans to move out?

My humble advice is this, sometimes you are put in a situation that you may not have personally chosen, but there is no point in dwelling on something that cannot be changed. Embrace it! Gaining a mother In Law is like gaining a mother. If she’s your husband’s mother, see her as your mother, moreover the grandmother of your future children!  If you love and look up to your husband’s character and mannerisms, know that it is his mother who gave them to him.

I know many of you will be thinking, ‘but what if she’s an evil soap opera style mother in law?! Huh?! What do you say then ??? ‘ I will not sit here in a bliss of ignorance and say that it never happens, I know it does. However I give you an example of someone I know personally.

This sister got married and mashaAllah her husband is very good to her, however he is an only son. His mother felt as though he is still attached to her womb! Everything this sister did was never good enough for her MIL. Every time the sister and her husband would go out for a ‘romantic’ date the MIL would go too! Now as a young woman, whose husband loved her a lot, she could've moaned until her husband moved her out. However she did the total opposite! SubhanAllah, she would wake up extra early before work to cook for the family, clean the house and other chores, so that when her MIL would wake up everything was magically done. This carried on for a while.

One day as this sister was sitting there, she heard her MIL on the phone and she heard how she was complimenting her, as if no one in the world had a better daughter in law (DIL) than her! After a while the tension between the two of them simply eased away.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know sometimes the only way to ease tension is to live separately, and this can even make the relationship between DIL and MIL better, but it is up to us as good mannered, strong willed women to try our best before giving up.

If only we remember that Jannah lies under the feet of our mother, this not only applies to my mother, and your mother but HIS mother too. If we can find a special space in our heart for our mother in laws then not only will their love for us increase but our husbands will also see this and their love for us will increase too, inshaAllah.

Make dua for yourselves and I humbly request you make dua for me too, that we gain loving mothers and not just mother in laws! May we be like loving daughters to them as we were to our own mothers. Ameen. 

WHO?! WHAT? WHEN!!! WHEREEE? HOW …:(

Assalamualaikum Warahmtullah Wabarakatuhu,

So I’ve recently come to realise there is life on this blog! People have actually read my posts, ok all three of you! But so be it, my deepest apologies for not being up to date with posting new things, but I really don’t like to force things. Alhumdulillah I’m here now :)

The reason for this post are several things, many of which made me thank Allah for things that I never even wanted to happen, but nevertheless they were all good for me. I am writing about Qadr Allah.

For me it has taken a long time, years even to grasp this concept properly, but only recently have I really appreciated it. Qadr Allah can never ever not be a beautiful thing and is something each and every one of us should realise in order to live a fulfilled and content life.

I’ll give you an example, a close neighbour of mine got married several years ago, to someone who had an amazing job, nice car, his own house, but the relationship soon turned very, very sour. I won’t go into details. By the time they divorced they had a beautiful child. When she came back to her parent’s house, nobody could believe what had happened, I, myself was in shock as to why it had happened to such a decent, lovely girl. She was now a single mother. Her parents would cry, she remained strong. SubhanAllah a couple of years later she had found herself someone to marry, by the Will of Allah, he was also a single parent! I cannot express in words how happy they both are now and have recently had a child together, giving them a total of three beautiful children, mashaAllah, tabarakAllah!!

You see she had to go through a failed marriage to get to where she is, Allah had willed her to have a child with her first husband, so that she could meet her present husband, who was in a position to accept her as well as her child.

I cannot thank Allah enough for saving me from situations i thought were good for me, but in hindsight were clearly not! There have been times where a proposal comes and it doesn’t work out (not that many ok!! Lol) at the time I ask myself why? But almost immediately I feel content.  I still don’t know WHY they said no, or why I didn’t get that job i applied for, but I feel ok and I feel happy. Shall I tell you why, I honestly believe it’s because when I pray to Allah the Most Merciful, for anything, instead of saying ‘Ya Allah grant me so and so in marriage, or grant me so and so as my job’, I say ‘Ya Allah grant me that which is BEST for me, in this life and the hereafter, and take that which is bad for me, away from me’.

We as individuals need to come to terms with Qadr allah, we should understand that if today we are being rejected by our parents, friends, kids, potential spouses, ex-spouses, jobs, or we fall ill, poor or depressed that tomorrow Allah will replace it with something better, as long as we accept his DivineWill. inshaAllah.  Not a leaf falls without His knowledge, so you think he doesn’t know that you’re suffering. Be patient my friend, THIS is the path He’s taking you on to get to that which is better for you ! : )

Inna ma’al Usri Yusra- ‘After Hardship Comes Ease’ , Four words to live by!

Please forgive me if i have said anything wrong, and any goodness is from Allah swt alone. Keep me in your duas!

Wheres my husband/wife at?!!

Bismillahirahmanirahiim

Marriage…sweet marriage! This seems to be the perception of the youth these days, all everyone wants to do right now is get married! And I don’t blame them it is the sunnah and it is a barrier from many sins. Nowadays it’s not just girls that dream of marriage but boys increasingly want to get married younger and younger. So we would think we are in an ideal situation where there will be increased amounts of marriages and love and children!

But the problem is where are these potential partners that we are all looking for? Just yesterday I was watching a programme that aired showing young muslim girls and boys looking for their life partner in an Islamic manner, and suffice to say by the end of the programme they were still looking. I really do pray for all those that took part in it, because it’s a tough business finding a spouse.

The reason I am writing this short post on marriage is to tell all us single souls out there Allah is sufficient for us and we should trust Him alone in every matter of this dunya and deen, so do not depress yourself dear sister if you have seen 20 men already, because the 21^st may be ‘The One!’ and brothers do not despair there’s plenty of women out there waiting for you.

I can only give a few tips and advice; I am not married nor have I found anyone (sad face lol) but would hope I live by these humble tips myself:

1) TRUST IN ALLAH ALONE - “Hasbi Allahu wa ne’mal wakil.” “Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs.” Make sincere dua to Allah Most High.

2) If a door opens for you, step inside of it. Sisters I am talking to you!! So many times I hear of sisters who are hesitant when their family tells them someone wants to come and see them because they feel ‘I am still at university’, ‘I still have time’, ‘Let my sister get married first and then I’ll look’

I’m telling you, my friends and I have been there and probably said all of the above at least once in our lives…and guess what a lot of us are still single! It’s ok to get the ball rolling now, getting to know someone takes time so does the whole process of planning a wedding especially if your parents are the ‘£20,000 wedding’ type! So it is good to start looking even if you have 3 unmarried sisters!

3) STOP with those long lists that only an angel in Jannah would be able to fulfil! When we get there inshAllah we shall have those perfect matches J but in the dunya …not so sure, so let’s not decrease our chances with high demands and expectations of Brad Pitt/ Angelina type looks and the personality of Mother Teresa …it’s not going to happen guys!

4) the last piece of advice I give to myself before anyone else…let’s be ourselves when we come to meeting these potential partners, don’t pretend to be some perfect muslim, we all make mistakes, we are all not perfect, these things give us our personality and  what made us what we are today. Be honest, If you like going out with your girlfriends then tell him that, and if you hate eating ‘western’ food then tell her that, no pretences!

I pray for all my sisters and brothers who are searching for their ideal partner, May Allah grant us all good partners who will increase our faith and provide us with righteous offspring and be with us in the Gardens of Paradise, inshAllah!!!

I am terribly sorry, because of this rambling blogpost and lack of direction :S Thank you for reading and forgive me if I said anything wrong. Asalaamualaikum!

Finger Lickin' Good ...or is it?!?

In the name of God, The Most gracious, The Most Merciful 

The next ‘topic’ I felt like exploring was one which we all (unfortunately) have done or still do sometimes without even realising we are doing it. What I’m talking about is backbiting... 

Allah says in the Qur'an in Chapter 49Al Hujarat verse 12: 
"O who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other nor speak ill behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? No, you would abhor it. But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful. 

Ok so we all know it’s wrong, and we all know backbiting has been at the heart of many arguments we’ve had with family, friends etc so WHY do we keep doing it? Before I go on I would like to say I’m talking to myself before I’m talking to anyone else, so do not take anything personal :) 

I’m not going to sit here and give examples of backbiting as we all know what it is but let’s make a solution to this major problem most sisters and brothers have. What can we do to minimise and then inshAllah stop talking about people behind their backs, how can we stop spreading rumours about others?? 

I’d like to compare backbiting to chicken, yes that sounds quite funny but hang in there, as we know from t he above Qur’anic verse that backbiting is like eating the flesh of your dead brother, so if we say just for a second that backbiting is like chicken, make that fried chicken with lots of oil, the more we eat the unhealthier we get, and if we order a side of chips, then this is adding to our poor health. This side of chips can be analogous to the ‘friend’ who joins in with us or the friend who begins the backbiting. Then we have the salad, on the surface yes it’s healthy, a lot of the times we may order a salad so that we don’t feel guilty for what we just eat, but our salad is what we tell ourselves openly or privately afterwards, the usual ‘But its true!!!’. This is what takes away some of the guilt of talking bad about someone and a lot of the times makes you feel like you are right to talk about them in that way.. But as the following Hadith will tell us, whether it’s true or not it’s still a sin! 

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said:"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "God and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of God s.a.w said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim) 

So just like the chicken and chips the more we backbite the unhealthier it is for our souls. 

So what can we do to avoid backbiting?? I tried my best to put together a few pointers: 
1) If a friend begins to talk about someone CHANGE THE SUBJECT it’s not as hard as it seems, start talking about what’s going on in your life not theirs 

2) If you ever feel you’re about to talk about someone then try your best to bite your tongue, think of eating the flesh of your dead brother- its obviously not a very nice picture 

3) If someone has angered you so much to the point that you feel you must talk about it...why not sit down with the person who said those things and talk your differences through 

4) If you feel you cannot do that then ask Allah for patience, "And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43) and forgive them. 

5) And IF you have already done the deed then ask forgiveness from that person so Allah may forgive you inshAllah. 

If we all tried to stop backbiting then inshAllah it could come to the point that a 3rd party wouldn’t even have to be mentioned in a conversation between two people! 

As mentioned before these pointers are definitely to myself before anybody else, so do pray that inshAllah I can stick by them. 

A few things to finish with: 
Behold, you received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things which you had no knowledge; and you thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of God (24: 15) 

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said: "Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise." (Bukhari and Muslim) 
Please forgive me for any mistakes, forgive me if I have ever intentionally or unintentionally backbitten or slandered your name, I sincerely apologise, May Allah guide us all. Ameen. 

Get Rich or Die Trying

When most of you read that you'll think isn't that something that 50 cent said ..well yes lol but i'd use it here in another more important context. The 'rich' i want to share with you today is the being rich in the eyes of Allah swt not the material wealth most of us asscoiate with being rich. 


I was just sitting here thinking randomly about my life, what i've done, said and thought, what i haven't done, when the question came to my mind, if i die tomorrow will i have enough to get me a ticket (so to speak) to paradise? My answer is helll no! 
So i sat here trying to find a way out of this problem, and then it came to me, and this is when i really started to realise how i could make it inshAllah.. 
Paradise as most know cannot be attained without good deeds, and i personally have realised it is difficult to do a good deed yet so easy to do a bad one so i came up with an easy way to try and keep the good deeds up through a simple comparison; 
our good deeds and bad deeds are like money! Our deeds are only fully known by Allah whereas the full amount of money we own is probably only known by the bank we keep it in. 
When one becomes so wrapped up in this world we end up needing money to enjoy it right? But we all know as muslims that we are only travellers in the world, so why are people killing each other over money?!?! (oil etc) Instead of saving up the paper we need to go and get an advice slip from the bank of Allah and his Prophet pbuh. 
If i really want Paradise i must pay for it, i dont need money, no and i sure dont need gold, or cars or a house to do that. I need belief, of course, worship, of course and lastly i need my good deeds. 
Think of it this way, when we were babys we had a savings account ready made by Allah swt which was full of good deeds already, (babys can do no wrong) as we grew older we either kept that money or the bad deeds we started to gather together were the withdrawals we made from the cashpoint, so think of all the times we've ever done something wrong and weigh it out with the good, the more bad deeds the less money you have, we may even be in our overdraft by now. The only way we can earn more 'money' is by doing more good. Because at the end of the day, we all want to be left with a glowing bank statement which will give us a one way ticket to Paradise inshAllah. 
What im trying to say, if its not too late for me to get out of my overdraft we can all do it with a little effort, the smallest of deeds go a long way, a smile, helping out with the parents, small donations to charity, loving your brothers and sisters in Islam..you guys know the deal ! However i'd like to add we are not meant to purchase Paradise with our good deeds, i am just making a comparison everyone can relate to, because we can only enter Paradise through the mercy and grace of Allah swt. 


“Almighty Allah says: “And We shall strip away all rancor from their hearts - beneath them will be rivers flowing - and they shall say: ‘Praise be to Allah, Who guided us on to this. Had it not been for Allah Who granted us guidance, we would not have found guidance. Surely, the Messengers of our Lord did come with Truth.’ Then a voice will cry to them, ‘Behold! This is the Paradise which you are made to inherit as a reward for your deeds.’” (Al-A`raf: 43) 


I'd like to finish with a hadith : 


Prophet Muhammad (S) said: "There is no person who does not have the obligation of doing charity every day that the sun rises." Whereupon he was asked: "O Messenger of Allah (SWT), from where would we get something to give in charity (so often)?" Prophet Muhammad (S) replied: "Indeed the gates to goodness are many: glorifying Allah (SWT), praising Him, magnifying Him, saying 'There is no god but Allah', enjoining the good and forbidding the evil, removing (any source of harm from the road, listening to the aggrieved, guiding the blind, showing the seeker his need, striving as far as your two legs could carry you and with deep concern to give succour to him who asks, carrying with the strength of your arms (the burdens of) the weak. All these are acts of charity which are an obligation on you." And Prophet Muhammad (S) added: "And your smiling in the face of your brother is charity, your removing of stones and thorns from people's paths is charity, and your guiding a man gone astray in the world is charity for you." (sorry i do not have the exact location of which book this hadith came from :s) 


Forgive me for any mistakes made in this note, forgive me for any wrong i may have ever done to you generally i am truly sorry, and pray for me and my family please :) thank you for taking your time to read this i do hope it meant something :s 


assalamolaikum 


yasmin x